we went to the temple

...the sri sri krishna hindu temple that is..
(that is across the street from a kingdom hall JW place- hilarious- i think so)

We made it to the festival of colors this year! i expected the 4 o'clock one not to be too crowded.. but holy cow! there were people everywhere. it was insane. and insanely awesome. i love throwing stuff at strangers to make them dirty and knowing they can't get mad at you for it, and may actually thank you for it.



in the picture is scotty(in white) and audie(in brown), me(in green) and nate(in black)



^ the whole lots of people still there as we were leaving



twinners!



nate and i.. i love the contrast of teeth .. lol

he's a nerd

i don't mind star wars. infact- i quite like star wars. but.. did you know there are books? like lots of them. and games that explain the movies? apparently they're even george lucas approved games. and there is a site for star wars thats like wikipedia for star wars? and it has details you would never think you'd need to know. and official sites where you can buy official costumes? did you know that a super cool official jedi cape could be $150 bucks?
these are all things you could learn too if you hung around the awesome nerds that i do.

.. i think i'll be making lots of jedi costumes this year..

he's got great aim

i hate balls, i can't play with them. they never do what i want them to, and even if i aim, its usually pretty pointless. i allowed myself to be taken mini golfing. was pretty sure i'd loose and it would be a hateful experience. i never expected to be wrong. .. i had fun. hopefully my fun isn't totally due to the fact that i was winning nate by the first hole, and he never caught up... but i'll admit, it was a perk. and i think he really was trying.. but even if he did let me win, i'll take it. all 15 points of it.

he's got a great shoulder

i cry at lots of things. in the last two years, tears have started to come almost with out warning and definitely without permission. recently, i was terribly mad at myself and sitting in the car with nate and started to tear up and wouldn't look at him because of such stupidity. after about 15+ minutes of not looking at your man- they assume they've done something terrible. which.. well i'm glad he could tell i was upset.. but i really hope i didn't make him think too hard. we got out of the car, and he held me and i cried. and that sweet patient man didn't make me talk or explain myself, i just got to cry on his perfect height shoulder, and get his coat all gross and wet, and when i went i couldn't stand the thought of how gross i was getting his coat ay longer i went to grab a tissue, and when i came back, there he stood ready for round two. ..but this time he asked me to try to be happy.. Ü

i love that man.

hmm de dum...

well.. he's been home almost 6 weeks now... and he's almost pure distraction. i thought for sure i'd be rational, get home on time every night, wait for him to call, get my homework done diligently, go to class consistantly.. sadly that's kinda far from reality. any spare moments are spent with him, anytime i feel like i can stay later i do, classes are harder and harder to get to and homework harder and harder to focus on.. in fact i'm supposed to be focusing on some right now.. ha! funny i know.

the new beginning..

thoughts.. on the random side concerning the last couple days and weeks...

.. he can't be coming home, isn't it too soon?
.. of course he's coming home.. thats why drama turns up- thank you drama.
last sunday without that man.. at church with the family.. can't hardly believe he'll be the missionary in the front..
monday- last email! what the? what do you say? ... can't wait to meet that man..... i wonder if he'll still like me...
.. stupid art teacher.. sure fine.. banish me to the back of the class room for going ahead.. i didn't want to sit next to cousin anyways.. i'll just sit here and not think about someone coming home..
tuesday- homework? why? is it really that important? cause thinking and worrying and wondering what's to come.. sounds much more interesting... i'll just head to class when i.. ok fine i'll go before i end up late... dang it. haha.. teacher changed the assignment anyways and made homework irrelevant.. thank you lazy bones.
muahhaha! i rule the sewing room! ye poor little ones that know not what ye do! mine is an evil laugh!! bahahaa!! *sigh*.. ya i'll help you figure out your sample thingy.... thank you in fact for occupying my mind... so i don't flip out because of the short ness of time.. teacher man thinks i make a great TA.. rock on!
.. driving home.. and choking out laughs and tears.. he's headed home and i can't hardly bear it.. i'd rather head to the airport than home.. at least that seems closer to him..
...sleep dang you.. sleep... please.... ugh..
wednesday.. seriously ok with waking up at 7! :) and for a not so morning person like me.. thats pretty big.
no last minute changes to the oufit i've been thinking about for weeks.. thank heavens.. or that could have taken forever. and will anyone realize that i'm wearing the same sweater to the airport as i did to the mtc? nope. i'm just a silly girl.
helping dad put up balloons.. only let one go... but.. those 2 dozen balloons had a pretty high price... flat hair :( pook.
driving to the airport with nervous butterflies.. so glad i didn't drive... riding was hard enough... wish i wasn't so quiet.. now everyone can tell i'm totally nervous.. and tease me for it..
butterflies, butterflies... breathe... breathe..
tall... blonde... ridiculously handsome man with a name tag coming this way.. *gasp*... thank heaven for the welcome home sign barrier to stop me from charging.. if i can even remember how my legs work..
stick your hand out.. he's still a missionary.. dang it.. o crap.. i don't think he liked that...
of course i'm sitting next to the man i can't touch.. tee he.. his leg touched mine..
*trying really really hard not the stare*
where the crap do i stand! do i keep my distance? do i stand next to him? maybe i shouldn't have come.. glad i did.. but maybe it'd have been better... but oi.. it's so nice to just see him...
he hasn't changed lol.. i ask him for a straw and he blows the wrapper at me.. "uh, elder, you put your mouth on my straw..." .. "so?" meh.. i guess we never did care about that..
i like how he looks at me... :) it's different.. but i like it..
stop at the grandparents, listen to stories he never told us about in letters or phone calls... not that they're bad.. he just never said.
sitting in he stake presidents office, waiting for him to be released and listening to the stake president talk to him.. read these 2 talks, read the BOM full circle in the next 2 months, keep your study habits, keep looking for that future spouse.. ( psht.. i wonder if he'd still be staying that if they hadn't introduced me as their daughter)... report to the high council, give your talk/ report to your ward about your mission.. elder, can i see your papers.. your released! .... and manda still can't figure out how to use her limbs or she'd be tackling you... course maybe not in the stake presidents office... but kelsey said to hug you.. and thats good enough for me. hard to let go...
but now i can stand next to him and not feel weird.. he sits next to me... he sits next to me... *eek!*

does you remember me? i'm that one crazy person, you met that one time, at that one place Ü

i got a blog to update people on my life or whatever right? and now, i don't want to use it because someone might read it. lol yes, yes i am in fact insane.


life has been insane for the last -meh- like 5 months. i started school and i'm not hating myself for it- which is kinda a new experience. i moved! for reals. on august 3rd. and that night i went grocery shopping with one of my very best friends who had just gotten back from his mission exactly a month before. we started talking a lot and he'd come over and visit so i wasn't all alone.. we had what we call our first real date august 18th.. then on there was hardly a day we didn't see each other. i figured things would work themselves out before i had to worry to hard... but i don't think i expected to fall so hard for him. but i wouldn't let go of the missionary... which ended up hurting both him and i. i broke up with him at one point because i couldn't handle it, it lasted all of three days. i missed him too much. it got better and worse during the next few months... he got extremely jealous of nate and me spending time with his family- we compromised, and i kept finding more reasons to love him despite it and we grew closer. he really is an amazing guy. but i started not to care. i started to resent him for pulling me away from "my family". and i stopped trying. which lead to him worrying. and me being annoyed.
i didn't deserve him, but i sure learned a lot from him. and he from me. and in many ways i feel like thats why we were together. to learn from each other. i didn't know how to fix our problem and i stressed about it a lot with the holidays coming up and the missionary coming home soon. it was definitely best that he did it, that he could let go. on friday december 18th, trevor asked if we could back off and just be best friends because it was just too hard on us. if things happen later, wonderful. but watching my roommate and her boyfriend and how happy they were made him want that for me, i tell ya, he's amazing. as we talked about everything that night, what had happened, what would happen, what we learned- there was an amazing peaceful spirit, everything felt so right. that night was such a huge relief. i hate saying that because i think it may have just about killed him- but i had hurt him so much, i hope that hurt is over. i'll always love him.. i always have.. part of me always will.

i feel so.... i dunno. there is a massive weight off my shoulders. i feel like i have my friend back. i feel like i can be excited for nate to come home. i feel like i can go see my "family" again.. i miss them.i'm nervous for tomorrow though.. to talk to nate on the phone.. what we might talk about.. if he still loves me... if the family is mad at me... i'm kinda scared.
but all will be.. ok... right? eek!

and now i'm super tempted to wait for roomie to read this before i post ... gah!